My favorite newspaper cartoon for the past fifteen years or so has been Pickles. Its three main human characters are a sexagenarian or septuagenarian couple, Opal and Earl Pickles, and their young grandson Nelson. Other characters appear occasionally, but Earl and/or Opal are always there, and Nelson frequently.
On March 9 Earl was trying to text Opal. She asked, “What are you doing?” He said, “Sending you a text.” She said, “I’m right here. Why don’t you just tell me what you have to say?” He says, “Everyone texts these days. I figure I need to get with the times.” So he pushes “Send.” But instead of going to Opal, the text goes to his friend Clyde, who is sitting on a park bench. Hearing the “ding,” Clyde looks to the screen on his cell phone, which says, “What’s for dinner, sweetie pie?”
First, I would note this: After reading Pickles for years, that’s the nicest thing I have ever known Earl to say to Opal, and he didn’t even manage to get it texted to his wife. But he’s not surnamed “Pickles” for nothing. Secondly, I agree with Opal; why didn’t he just say, “What’s for dinner, sweetie pie?” It would have been the nicest thing she had ever heard her crusty old codger say to her.
And now to this geezer’s real beef, who avoids “getting with the times” like the plague. If anybody wants to communicate anything to anybody on a cell phone, why don’t they dial a phone number on their cell phone to communicate it? Why text it, for heaven’s sake? Texts are so cold, so impersonal, so 21st century-technological! Why not just phone somebody with what you want to say, for heaven’s sake? God did not invent the telephone expecting people never to use it, for heaven’s sake!
My main complaint here is not against cell phones, which I think are a great leap forward in technology, other than the fact that they ring too often and other people (but not I) talk on them too often. My main complaint is against too many texts and too many emails. This is not written in complete opposition to texts and emails, but rather to volume. Cybernetic technology is taking too much of our time, and every day everyone has less time left than they had the day before. This probably is why this is a geezer’s grouse. The older I get, the more my days seem to be consumed by cybernetics. As the guy said in Network, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore.”
On the other hand, I may not be angry about this subject; I may actually be mad (off my rocker) about it. But truly I am increasingly concerned that computers are sending all of us over the edge, and over-the-edgedness is not good for anybody.
I realize the common perception is that texts, emails, and voice-mails save time, and sometimes they do. But they also add to the impersonalization of modern life, and that is not a good thing.
Will this essay change anything at all? No, it won’t. But at least I got it off my chest and onto your chest. Nice trick, huh? Call me, and we’ll talk about it: 842-682-2323 (old-fashioned land line) or 843-290-0500 (new-fangled, more dubious cell phone).
- March 11, 2021
John Miller is Pastor of The Chapel Without Walls on Hilton Head Island, SC. More of his writings may be viewed at www.chapelwithoutwalls.org.